Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The 5 Annoyances of Christmas

I know. You just read that title and thought, "This guy is such a Grinch!" But I'm really not. I love Christmas. I might not get as into the holiday spirit as a lot of people do, but I certainly don't sit around thinking of ways to ruin Christmas for everyone around me. There are just some things about this season that get slightly under my skin. After reading, if you still think I'm this century's answer to an unwealthy Ebenezer Scrooge, you are entitled to that opinion. And feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. For now, here are my thoughts...
  1. Early Christmas Carols - Don't get me wrong. I love Christmas carols. Someone who loves music and loves to sing as much as I do can't help but enjoy a Christmas song from time to time. My problem comes when your local radio stations begin playing those Christmas songs at the beginning of November. And they play them non-stop. The thing is, those radio stations only have the rights to so many songs. On top of that, there are only so many different versions of those few Christmas songs. So you end up hearing the same 20 songs over and over again for approximately 55 days. If that doesn't drive you a little crazy, number two might.
  2. Retail Stores - This one might just be because I work in a retail store. I would love for someone to explain to me why we feel the need to, throughout the entire month of December, stay open until midnight. Every night. I get that stores are busier, what with people buying Christmas gifts and all. But do stores stay busy past a certain time? Absolutely not. Most nights, we don't see a single customer in the last 2 hours that we're open. And when we do, it's the family that decide to bring their 3 year old twins to get all of their Christmas shopping done at 11pm. Yes, we talk about you while you're shopping. It's because we're angry at you and judge you as parents.
  3. Empty Threats - This is where I talk about Santa Claus. This time of year, parents love to use the "Santa is watching" thing when their kids' behavior is getting out of hand. It's an easy cop out kind of threat. The implication is that if the child doesn't behave, he or she could end up on the naughty list and, by extension, receive nothing for Christmas. But where's the follow through? I know there have got to be a lot of children out there who don't care about how badly they misbehave, but they still receive a ridiculous amount of presents on Christmas morning. I know these children exist because I see them every day at work. Parents, I'd like to hear from any of you whose children have been "naughty" and actually received coal, or nothing, on Christmas day.
  4. Decorating Vehicles as Reindeer - I might get a lot of flack for this one. Sorry, I just don't see the point in installing fake antlers on the roof and attaching a big red ball to the grill. Related: dressing pets up in Christmas attire. Also related: dressing pets up in any attire at any time of the year.
  5. Christmas Shoes - I really don't think I need to elaborate on this one. I just... don't. Okay?


  1. This is my favorite Christmas song; I hope it puts you in the favored frame of mind
    --Sufjan Stevens (pronounced "Soof-yawn") performing "Christmas Unicorn"

  2. 1-3. Thank you, I agree completely!
    4. Reindeer cars, bad. Tow trucks or big rigs w/ lights done up to make the wheels look like they move when parked, fan-freakin-tastic!
    5. Please don't elaborate on this one. Ever.

  3. A little scroogey, but I mostly agree! :)