I keep playing the vents of Wednesday afternoon over and over in my head. This is an involuntary thing. Because why on earth would I want to relive one of the most terrifying moments of my life?
But it's there. And not even when I close my eyes. My eyes can be open, focused on something entirely else, and I'm still transported back to my point of view from the driver's seat of my car as it rolled over and over again.
Wednesday, I felt fine. I wasn't hurt. Not badly, anyway. I wasn't upset. In fact, I was fairly calm. No, I was extremely calm. A friend who was nice enough to give me a ride home remarked at how calm I was. Today, I think it's catching up to me.
Around lunchtime, I took a good look outside and noticed just how overcast it was. A little later, someone complained that it was raining. Not much, but just enough to get the ground wet all over again. That's when I started getting nervous.
Out of nowhere, I started feeling really anxious about my drive home. No, anxious isn't the right word. I was scared. I was literally afraid of the prospect of driving home from work today. There were a few moments when I was on the verge of tears.
The school day ended. Much as I dreaded the trip back to Blacksburg, I was more than ready for the day to be over. I may not have been seriously injured the other day, but my body still feels as if it's been beaten severely. I was in pain and I was tired. Nothing to do but drive home.
So I made the drive. I even decided to go down the same road I typically take. I passed right by the spot where my car ended up when it came to a rest. I saw a heavy indentation in the ground where it came to a stop. I got a serious cold child down my spine. And I drove on.
I made it home safe and sound, just like I've done a hundred times before. Just like I'll do a hundred times more. The flashbacks are still coming. Over time, I hope, they'll come less and less. For now, I pray that God will just get me through each trip to and from my job.