Saturday, February 16, 2013

A Day in the Life of a Chair

My life is not as easy as one would think. I'm sure most people look at me and assume I have it made. I spend most of the day just hanging out. Standing still. Not doing much at all. Thus is the life of an inanimate object.

We chairs are a proud furnishing. There are so many of us, and we're all so different. You may as well try and find two snowflakes with a similar design. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration. After all, my life is spent in a classroom with 22 others that are nearly identical to me. After a few years, however, it's expected that we've developed marks and blemishes that make us each distinctive.

Yes, I ended up in a classroom. As a young chair on the assembly line, I dreamed of becoming a throne, perhaps a comfy desk chair. But I was made too small. All chairs have the same basic design: four legs, a seat, a back. If we're lucky, we get arms, as well. I was not so lucky. My seat and back are hard plastic and my legs are metal. I was made for one thing, and one thing only. Children.

My day begins the same way every morning. I'm upside down, my seat resting upon a desk. By the way, you'd think that chairs and desks got along famously. Truth is, we never speak. Desks are pretty stuck up. They think they're so much better than chairs, just because they have storage capacity. If only they knew, I have a cousin with a book rack under his seat.

Anyway, I don't enjoy being upside down. But that's how I spend my nights. On the plus side, it's quiet, which is a far cry from what the days bring inside the classroom. The child assigned to me arrives and pulls me off the desk. And he's not exactly gentle about it. It's a good thing I'm extremely sturdy. If someone threw him around with the same brute force that he uses with me, his fragile legs would have broken dozens of times. But I don't complain. I know that's just how these children are.

It isn't long after he arrives that he sits in me. I do have a small bit of job satisfaction. I like knowing that I can provide a place for someone to sit from time to time. And, thankfully, the teacher in this classroom likes to keep her students active. So I get plenty of breaks throughout the day.

That's not to say it isn't tiring, holding up a child throughout the day. No one ever asks if my legs get tired. Not that I'd be able to take a seat myself. It would just be nice to have the offer made. The end of the day sees me thrown back onto the desk. Again, I'm placed upside down. Again, it's not a gentle movement.

Some days are better than others. God help me on Taco Tuesdays. The kid that's assigned to me this year does not digest his Mexican food in a pleasant manner. But I take that punishment without saying a thing. It's certainly less fun than the days when the teacher throws some kind of party for the students. I have to say, my best day, was when the children were allowed to make blanket forts. I was draped in a Star Wars blanket. For a moment, I felt just like that old throne I dreamed I'd be. The moment was gone all too quickly, but I'll cherish the memory for the rest of my life.

I realize that you people see us as things. We're property. But try to treat us with a little respect, huh? I mean, we do provide a service without complaining even a little bit. I know it's easy to take your frustrations out on us. I've heard horror stories about the way some guy named Bobby Knight has treated my kin. If I could move, I'd shudder just thinking about his actions. Please, be kind to your four-footed friends. If you're not, believe me, we have ways of getting you back. You may be leaning back ever so slightly and we may just decide to shift the center of gravity a little too much. Accidents happen, people. Accidents do happen.

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