Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Terrible Thesaurus

When I was a kid, I was really into dinosaurs. And I'm currently working with a kid that is obsessed with the prehistoric creatures. Actually, to call him obsessed would be entirely inaccurate. But I'm not sure what word is properly strong enough to describe that kid's extreme obsession with dinosaurs.

His favorite? The T-Rex. Big shock, right? What's not to love about the Tyrannosaurus? Big head. Sharp teeth. Tiny arms. Poor guy... never can pick himself up. And who's gonna help Rex get back on his feet? Maybe the T-Rex wouldn't have been such a bully if more herbivores had been helpful.

You should see this kid in action, though. On the playground, he transforms into a Tyrannosaurus Rex. He has the steps, the mannerisms, even the roars down to what I can only assume is incredibly accurate. I'm basing that assumption on my numerous viewings of Jurassic Park. I should suggest to his mother that she video tape his dinosaur act and post it on YouTube. It would go viral overnight.

But I'm not here to talk about the self-proclaimed "king of dinosaurs." I'd like to discuss the lesser known species, the Thesaurus.

You probably just thought a Thesaurus was a book sitting on your 8th grade English teacher's bookshelf. But no, it's actually one of those dinosaurs that roamed the Earth some 65 million years ago.

The mighty Thesaurus grew in population toward the end of the Cretaceous period. These creatures were slightly larger than the Hadrosaur and were plant eaters. Being Thesauri, they probably would have been devourers of the written word, but since a written language had yet to be created, it's likely they ate a lot of tree bark.

Little is known about these mysterious dinosaurs, but we know they had enormous brains, especially when compared to most of these prehistoric animals. They traveled in herds and were known to hold impressive conversations with one another. Their vocabulary was extensive and they were able to offer synonyms and antonyms to most any word the other dinos came to them with.

Sadly, they did not roam the planet for very long. They suffered defeat at the hands of the same extinction level event which did in the T-Rex and the Raptor. I'm sure they could have taught us so much about how to effectively write creatively.

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