Wednesday, August 29, 2012

His Eye Is On the Sparrow

I'm not really sure why I act surprised when God comes through and provides for my needs when all seems lost. It's happened time and again. Maybe it's in my nature to doubt. I know it's my nature to try and rely on myself first, even though I know I should go to Him first.

Uh-oh... Aaron's getting serious and Christiany... But bear with me.

This summer has been tough for me. Physically and emotionally I've been fine. Financially... well, that's another story.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I absolutely love my job. However, work for a non-profit organization doesn't exactly equal an economic windfall. In theory, working through a full school year should allow me to make enough to save up and have some stability during the summer months, when there is no work. No work means no pay.

But that ideal situation didn't occur prior to this summer. I began my work as a counselor in February, only 3.5 months before the end of the school year. That really did not give me enough time to save much money. Add to that the expense of moving to a new apartment in a new town. Things did not look great for our hero.

So I spent much of my summer asking questions like, "Can I afford to put gas in my car? Can I afford groceries this week? Where will money for next month's rent come from?"

I'll be the first to admit that my faith is not as strong as it once was. I'm sure that's one of many consequences to not seeking God on a consistent basis. I'm not sure I can even recall the last time I attended the same church two Sundays in a row. That's certainly not a boast on my part.

I try not to worry about things. Worrying is a lot like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere. But as this summer has come to a close, I've worried a lot.

A few weeks ago, Mom asked if I'd be willing to sing at an event that her church was having. At first I was hesitant. I didn't have anything prepared. I'd need more time to learn something to play on guitar. All of Dad's old accompaniment tapes and CDs were in storage. So many excuses.

But I had second thoughts. I decided that disappointing your mother is probably one of the "thou shalt nots" found in 2 Opinions. Since I'm staying with the folks who are storing my things anyway, I searched the attic for Dad's old CDs. I found a few that I was familiar with and practiced throughout the week.

Then last Thursday hit. It was a worrisome day. Money I thought would be in my account never came and, I later found out, never would be there. I worried. I panicked.

But all week I had been practicing "His Eye Is On the Sparrow" as a possibility to sing at Mom's church. All week I had been singing those lyrics, which explicitly tell us there's no reason to worry, yet I wasn't listening. The second verse says:
Let not your heart be troubled, His tender words I hear. And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubt and fear. I draw Him closer to me. From cares He sets me free. His eye is one the sparrow and I know He watches me.
The song draws its inspiration from Matthew 6. As part of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is telling the crowd not to worry.
25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"
It's a lesson I have to learn over and over again. Because my mind is selfish and prideful. I want to do things myself. I don't want to rely on anyone for my needs. Not even God. I don't deserve His grace. But it's there for the taking. It's incredibly foolish not to accept.

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