Thursday, December 29, 2011

This Has Lex Luthor's Fingerprints All Over It

Did you see Superman: The Movie? What about Superman Returns? They both have one villain in common: Lex Luthor. And he kind of has the same gag going on in both movies. The crooked land deal.

Now, each time out, he goes about the scheme in a different way. Back in '78, his plan was to buy up all the worthless desert on the east side of the San Andreas Fault. Then, after hijacking a nuclear warhead, he would blow the west coast into the Pacific. This would cause all of his worthless land to suddenly become beachfront property. It was foolproof! And then Superman did his "turn the Earth backwards" trick and foiled his plans.

In Superman Returns, he decided to steal some crystals from Superman's Fortress of Solitude. I'm not too sure how this works, but apparently when the crystals are thrown into some water, they grow. Like Sea Monkeys. His idea here was to create a whole new continent which would take the place of North America. Seemed to be working all right until Superman came along, dug up the newly formed continent, and flew it into space.

Why would Lex Luthor go to all this trouble? Because his father gave him advice about land. He told his balding son that it was the one thing they weren't making anymore. So Lex, being the insecure guy with daddy issues that we all know him to be, spent the majority of his film career attempting to swindle the world into buying land from him. But, as it turns out, that whole "they aren't making anymore land" thing is wrong.

I read an article today talking about how volcanic activity in the Red Sea has caused the formation of a new island. Now, before you get excited and start packing your bags, there's nothing there yet. It's only 500 meters wide at this point. Granted, it is growing, but it may not be the kind of land mass that sticks around forever. The waves in the Red Sea may prove to be too much for the small island. It could disappear as quickly as it appeared.

Besides, I can't get away from the whole Lex Luthor thing. How do we know this isn't some plot being hatched by the greatest criminal mind of our time? I'm just saying. And it's not as if we have a Superman who can fly Kryptonite Island into space when things start to go wrong. So don't go buying your private island just yet.

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