Friday, January 14, 2011

Question of the Week: Crying

When did you last cry in front of another person? by yourself?

I generally keep the tears to myself. I'm not sure when the last time I really cried in front of another person was. I definitely cried in front of everyone who helped me move out of my Dad's house after he passed away. That was four years ago. Whether I've cried in public since, I'm not sure. Crying by myself? Well, that doesn't happen too often either. But, funny enough, it did happen yesterday while I was on my lunch break.

It wasn't that anything out of the ordinary happened to make me cry. I was probably just overdue for a good one. My manager had called me into his office for my annual review. There wasn't anything there that I wasn't expecting. But he did bring up my attitude of late. He wasn't being overly accusatory, just asking why it was that I had the tendency to shut people out instead of engaging them. I was close to breaking down while I was sitting there at his desk. I couldn't give him a real answer. I honestly don't understand why I am the way I am. I don't know why I stay so angry all the time. I certainly don't enjoy that fact. Believe when I say it's not my idea of a swell time. I held it together until I was dismissed and then went to lunch. While the microwave was going, the tears started flowing.

I've never thought there was anything wrong with crying. And I'll be the first to admit that I don't let myself do it as often as I probably should. I just don't do it too much. As far as crying in front of others goes, it could just be that I don't like the way I look when I cry. Not that I look that great when I'm not crying. But when the crying starts, my face contorts into this bizarre look that just can't be attractive. Also, I spent most of the afternoon with a pretty bad headache thanks to that lunchtime show of emotion. Just one more reason to not cry.

*Question of the Week comes from The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.

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