Friday, November 19, 2010

Day Nineteen

A Talent of Mine

I really don't like to brag. I mean, I know I get on here and occasionally write about how awesome I am. But, you know, that's just a shallow facade attempting to mask the decades of insecurity that rest just under the surface of my personality. More often than not, that insecurity surfaces, turning me into the shy, semi-mute person that I was in high school.

And when it comes to just about anything I do, I'm my own worst critic. The way I see myself, I think that I'm okay at a lot of things, but I don't really excel at anything. I posted those white board drawings the other day. Customers come in and compliment them all the time. But I don't think they're that great. I've written things other than posts for this blog, and have had people tell me they think I'm a good writer. But I always second guess myself, so I've never attempted to put myself out there where writing is concerned. Again, in my mind, I just think I'm okay at it.

And then there's the thing I've been doing since I started forming real words with my mouth. I grew up singing and constantly had people telling me how good I was. I didn't let it go to my head. I still just think it's one of those things I do that I'm just okay at. A choir director once told me he thought I had the strongest tenor voice that he had ever worked with. I took that as a huge compliment and it made me feel really good. Then I went and tried out for American Idol and the producers who didn't choose me to move to the next round only confirmed for me that I was merely mediocre.

I realize this is one of my deep issues that I need to work on. The whole self-confidence thing is lacking a lot of the time. Reason number 86 why I should probably be in therapy.

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