Saturday, August 28, 2010

Legends of the Bank Teller - Episode LXXXV

There's a gentleman that comes into my branch about once a week. We'll call him Jerkface. That's not his real name, but it's an apt description.

A little background on Jerkface: He's been with our bank for less than a month. I know this because any time I attempt to run a transaction for him, an alert pops up on my screen to inform me that his account has been open for less than four weeks. That lets me know that he doesn't have a long-standing relationship with our bank, so we can't let him just get away with whatever he wants. Now, if he'd been with us for five months, well, that's a different story.

The man never has a simple transaction. I take that back. His transactions should be simple. But he makes them complicated by complaining about no less than three different things while standing at the counter. Personally, my complaint is that I've managed to get this guy every time he's here. I'm the drive-through teller. How it works out for me to get him every time he's in here, I don't know, because he comes inside. But it's happened. And today was the last time that I will ever put up with it.

Don't worry. I didn't just quit my job. Though sometimes I think that would be nice. No, I simply announced for all the staff to hear: I will not help that man ever again. If I ever see him in line, I will find a reason to be somewhere else. I don't care how poorly staffed we are on the day that he comes in. I will be in another room.

Yesterday his chief complaint was that the check he was depositing wouldn't be available immediately. "I've never been to a bank that didn't make checks available after 2:00!" Dude, 2pm isn't a magic number that automatically means that every check that's been deposited will suddenly pass through the proof department and will have cleared all the proper channels. Checks have to go where checks go in order to be deposited into people's accounts.

Luckily, the check that Jerkface was attempting to have available immediately was drawn on our bank. So I suggested that he cash the check first, then we deposit the cash. In simple terms, cash is available immediately. This confused him. But after about 15 minutes of explaining it in monosyllabic words, I'm pretty sure he finally got it. He complained a few more times, but eventually he got what he wanted.

But it's like that every time I've helped him. Always a complaint about this bank. Now, I have my complaints, but I'm here every day. I work here. I have no choice but to endure. Jerkface, on the other hand, recently opened his account. If he's so unhappy with the way we do things, why doesn't he just move on? Though, most of his complaints can be traced to the fact that he can't manage to keep his account on the plus side of things. The guy is overdrawn every time he's been in here. So if he were to take his business elsewhere, it isn't as if we'd be missing a whole lot out of him. There are many other banks to choose from. Maybe one of those institutions will pander to him in a way that will be more pleasing. Though I doubt it, since he can't keep an accurate transaction register. Moron.

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