Thursday, July 01, 2010

The Single Guy and the Yellow Jacket

It was the Single Guy's day off work, so he decided that he needed to be at least semi-productive around the old home place. See, when he just sits around and does nothing on his off days, it makes him feel kind of like a lazy slob. To avoid that unpleasant feeling, he got up, got dressed, and headed outside with some empty grocery bags and a container of Clorox disinfectant wipes. It was time to clean out the car.

The Single Guy tended to let things accumulate over time: fast food receipts, pizza delivery records, baseball caps, dust, pennies, empty water and soda bottles, dirty laundry, discarded Death Star plans, etc. And so, he figured, it was time to say good bye to all those little things that had made his car, Jade, such an unwelcome place for passengers to go for a ride.

Of course, these days, he would never subject anyone to the torture of riding around in Jade anyway. Even if she was spotless inside and out, she still did not have a functioning air conditioner.

He went out to the parking lot and unlocked the car. Opening the driver's door, the Single Guy tossed the grocery bag and Clorox wipes into the seat and proceeded to roll down the window. His plan was to roll down all the windows, front and back, to help a nice breeze to blow through. Surprisingly, the day wasn't nearly as warm as the previous days had been.

As he bent to crank the window down, he looked into the car and was eyeball to compound eyeball with one of the largest bee-like creatures he had ever encountered. Its coloring was like that of a common yellow-jacket, but it was much bigger than any yellow-jacket the Single Guy had ever seen. It was just hovering there, directly over the driver's seat, as if it were inspecting the empty bags and disinfectant wipes.

This was the first time the car had been opened, either windows or doors, since the previous evening when the Single Guy got home from work. The Super Bee must have found its way inside at some point on the drive home, and had been lying in wait for the Single Guy to return to the car all night. The Super Bee was obviously a crafty individual and would make for an interesting foe.

Now, the Single Guy was not allergic to bees. At least, not that he was aware of. He never put himself in the position to be stung if he could ever help it. But the fact that he was immune to the severe reaction that some people experience with stings did not stop him from being skittish around this particular insect. He continued to roll down each window, careful not to disturb the bug or give it a reason to attack.

With all windows rolled down, he assumed it would be only a matter of time before the Super Bee discovered that there was freedom to be found in the outside world. If only it had flown toward one of the open windows, it could have found a flower to pollinate or a hive to protect. Instead, the stupid Super Bee flew to the dashboard and insisted upon trying to find the weaknesses in the windshield.

The Single Guy is not a patient man. He grabbed a baseball cap from the back seat of the car and began swatting at the Super Bee, hoping to scare it toward the open window on the opposite side of the car. This only helped to agitate the bee, making it buzz its way back into the windshield, again and again. Finally, the Single Guy waited for the Super Bee to come closer to where he was. This time he swatted with the intent of injuring or even killing the invading insect.

With one final blow, the Super Bee fell from the dashboard to the floor of the car. Its legs twitched helplessly as it lay on its back. The Single Guy then stomped on it using his flip-flop clad right foot. There was nothing left of the Super Bee but a yellow-brown stain, easily cleaned up with a Clorox wipe.

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