Saturday, July 17, 2010

Memo to Grocery Shoppers

1. Make a list!
You know, it's a lot easier to go shopping when you know what you're shopping for. I'm not aware of a major chain store that doesn't have a website these days. And I'm pretty sure they have a fairly exhaustive list of all the products they offer, especially if those products are on sale. When you go into a store and you aren't sure what you're there to get, it really annoys other shoppers to have to try to weave their way around you while you stand in the middle of the aisle staring at a wall of different kinds of bread. Pick one and move on!

2. If at all possible, leave the kids at home.
I like kids all right. They're fun. They make life interesting. They ask awesome questions and are surprisingly literal in the way they see the world. But the grocery store is not the place for them. And it really doesn't matter how old they are. I think your one or two-year-olds are okay just sitting in their basket seat. They can't dart around corners or pull things off the shelves while mom's back is turned. But the ones that can walk, whether they're 5, 15, or the sad 35-year-old bachelor that lives in his parents' basement, they just get in the way. They slow you down. They cause you to block an entire aisle because they will, inevitably, spread out. Yet they will somehow manage to clump together while spread out, making it impossible for other shoppers to walk either around or through them.

3. Try not to look exactly like your spouse.
I wish I had the camera in my phone ready as soon as I noticed this phenomenon. I've heard of it happening, but never experienced it as strongly as I did today. A man and a woman were holding hands in Target. They looked to be in their late 50s. They had the same slouched sort of walk. They were the same height (though they were slouched, so that may not be accurate). They had identical haircuts. The only noticeable differences were that she wore earrings and he had a slight gut. Yes, they were dressed alike too. To me it's just weird when spouses start looking alike. It's weirder when people start looking like their pets. I've seen that happen too, just not in the store.

Memo to self: Stop going grocery shopping on Saturdays!

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