I've been in a Deep Thoughts kind of mood lately. I'm sure there will be a lot of readers out there who have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm referring to Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey. Deep Thoughts were a common segment found on Saturday Night Live back in 90s. They're the kind of thing that you either think are hilarious or are stupid. It's definitely a twisted kind of humor. In college, my choir director, Chris Sheppard, had the amazing ability to quote many of the Deep Thoughts verbatim without so much as cracking a smile. The man had a gift. Even now, I read some of them and can't help but crack up at them. I think it's because my overactive imagination puts the images in my head and makes them even funnier. So that's what I'm posting tonight, some of my favorite Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'"
"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."
"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad."
"As we were driving, we saw a sign that said 'Watch For Rocks.' Marta said it should read 'Watch For Pretty Rocks.' I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke--just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I thought I was lazy!"
"If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward."
"The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face."
"If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong though. It's Hambone."
"Laurie got offended that I used the word 'puke.' But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like."
"I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye."
And my absolutely favorite...
"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."