Wednesday, January 20, 2010

American Idol: I Split My Pants!

Yeah, I didn't post anything for last night's episode. That's because I didn't watch last night's episode. Last year around this time, I got cable with that handy-dandy DVR specifically for American Idol. That's because I was blogging for the local paper, not just for myself. I felt like I had a responsibility. For season 9, I don't have that responsibility. Nor do I care all that much. But from what I've heard, Chicago was a pretty big disappointment.

Tonight the Idol crew is in Orlando, home to Mickey Mouse. The guest judge for Orlando is Kristin Chenoweth. That's actually part of the reason I'm taking the time to watch tonight. I have to admit, I kinda have a crush on Chenoweth. She's so tiny you could just fold her up and put her in your pocket.

The first contestant is Theo. Dude has a feather and some coins plastered to his face. Maybe not coins. Maybe they're small round mirrors. Also, his shirt has something inappropriate on it. 'Cause it's blurred out. Dude's singing Pat Benetar's Heartbreaker. Singing is the wrong word. Screaming is probably more appropriate. After a unanimous no, he got lost on the way out. But hey, tomorrow's his birthday, so all is not lost.

Apparently Kara and Kristin are BFF. I think I'd probably be in Simon's boat. At the end of the annoying girls' montage, we get a losing contestants' montage. And here comes our first sob story of the night. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't like these "inspirational" stories from would be singers. It isn't that I have no compassion for these people. It's just... they're here to sing. Can't we just hear them sing? Seth Rollins sings Someone to Watch Over Me, a nice, classic tune. And he's got good tone. I'd pass him through to Hollywood. I think the judges will too. He deserves the golden ticket. And it's based on the merit of his talent, not the fact that he has struggles in his personal life.

And now, since we just happen to be in Orlando, we get a montage of people's hopes and dreams set to the classic Disney standard When You Wish Upon a Star. Jermaine Purifoy is trying out for the second time. The first time he didn't get through. I'm not sure why, 'cause if he sang like that last time, I'd have thought he'd get to Hollywood. Maybe he just didn't get past the producer round before the judges. His rendition of Smile was very good. The final contestant on Orlando's first day is Shelby Dressel who sings a Norah Jones song. And halfway through it, she drops the lyrics and drops the S-bomb. The judges send her to Hollywood seeing a lot of potential in her. She's one of 18 from day one.

For day two, Kristin was called back to New York, so that means no guest judge. So I'm thinking about not watching anymore. No, I'll stick it out. Human Target is on next. It's a pretty good show, you should check it out. Jay Stone pulls a Season 6 Blake Lewis on The Beatles' Come Together. It's kind of impressive. The judges ask if he can actually sing. He pulls out Ain't No Sunshine and the judges seem to have fun with him. But when it comes to a vote, it's not unanimous. But it turns out Simon was the only dissenting vote. We get a girly montage of three decent singers that make it to LA. Next up is Cornelius who gets three yeses simply because he jumped in the air, did a split, hit the ground, and split his pants. I mean, it hurt me to see how hard he hit the floor.

And now we have the Desimone sisters. Bernadette sings first. Eh. Amanda sings next. Eh. I'm not too impressed with either of them. But they're very supportive of each other, which is nice to see in siblings. The judges like them enough to get them to Hollywood. And here comes Jarrod Norrell. In his interview, he seems kind of drunk. Or stoned. Also delusional. He's pretty sure he's one of the best singers around. But his take on Amazing Grace proves that he's wrong. And he doesn't take the criticism very well. And he doesn't know when to quit. And security escorts him out. No... they shove him out. And then he gets arrested. Pretty sure he won't be going to Hollywood.

Matt Lawrence is the last contestant of the day. Wait, isn't Matt Lawrence Joey Lawrence's little brother? Pretty sure this is a different one. This one robbed a bank with a BB gun at the age of 15. So he's trying out for Idol seeking some redemption. That's right, we got another sad story to wrap up the night. He's not bad as far as the singing goes. He's not great either though. He'll get his golden ticket, but I don't know that he'll hit the top 24. Kara thinks he'll go top 12.

Next week they're in LA for auditions. But I'll still be here tomorrow with more random thoughts. This has been Carp Dime. Good night.

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