Sunday, November 15, 2009


I feel the need to give some very careful instructions regarding a classic device known as the Magic 8-Ball. The Magic 8-Ball can be found in a variety of places, usually in the place where toys are sold. Recently there have been a rash of copycat and novelty 8-Balls, but none can overtake the original.

But the original is not without its flaws. If you purchase or receive the Magic 8-Ball as a gift, it's important to calibrate the device before you begin asking it about financial endeavors or for relationship advice. You may be asking, "How do I calibrate the Magic 8-Ball?" The answer is simple, you ask it a question to which you already know the answer.

For example: You know whether or not you are left-handed. So ask the 8-Ball, "Am I left-handed?" If you are, in fact, left-handed and the 8-Ball indicates as much, then you have a working Magic 8-Ball. If you are right-handed, but the 8-Ball still gives you a positive answer, then you need to ask again. Keep asking until you get a correct answer, at which point you'll know that the 8-Ball is in good working order.

The most important thing to remember is that the 8-Ball can only answer yes/no questions. If you ask for a favorite color, you will damage the device beyond repair. Once this happens, no amount of recalibration will fix what is wrong with the 8-Ball. After all, it's just an 8-Ball and is easily confused.

So please, act responsibly when contacting this toy store oracle.


  1. Couldn't you calibrate the 8-Ball to tell you exactly the opposite of the thing you're most wanting to hear? So, if you're left-handed and you ask it to confirm, and it denies, then you know to do or believe the exact opposite of the answer it gives you? Kind of like being stuck in a Philadelphia...

  2. the trick is to calibrate yourself to only ask questions the magic 8 ball will answer they way we want... :)

  3. Great! I've use my 8-ball often to answer one of life's most frequent and important questions: Where will I get my next laugh!

  4. I'm always behind the eight ball and have always hoped it would go away and now you tell me it's magic.

  5. How fun. I love the 20Questions 'oracle' as well. It surprises even the unsurprisable.

  6. Drat! I think they have taken them off the shelves here in case children swallow them. I wanted one for Christmas.