Thursday, October 16, 2008

Week of the Question: Incident

While on a trip to another city, your spouse meets and spends a night with an exciting stranger. Given that they will never meet again, and that you will not otherwise learn of the incident, would you want your spouse to tell you about it? If roles were reversed, would you reveal what you had done?

I would want to know. I'm glad the question isn't how would you respond. Because I honestly don't know. I'd like to think that I would be able to forgive the Mrs. and just move on from there. But I imagine that would be a hard thing to forgive, and a hard place to start moving forward. Even though I may be able to forgive, there's no way to really forget that kind of thing. And because of that, what happens to the trust? It's pretty much gone, and that's not easy to get back.

And if the roles were reversed I'd have to tell. There's no way I could live with myself after doing something like that and not confessing it. My conscience would eat away at me until I finally did reveal the truth.

*Question of the Week comes from The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.


  1. Tough question but I am in total agreement with both of your answers. I too don't know how I would respond but I would want to know.

    And if the roles were reversed I couldn't live with the guilt either and would have to tell my spouse as well.

    The saying "what they don't know won't hurt them" is in fact a lie. Keeping secrets like that is the fastest way to destroy a marriage.

  2. Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone.

  3. Did you come up with that all by yourself??

    And if you're running for president, you had better get used to the whole business of keeping secrets.


  4. Mark used to say that all the time. But I've heard it somewhere else too. Not sure though. Credit where credit is due, Mrs. Greene.

  5. I also use to say....."just enough to sweeten the tea"

  6. i'm actually greatly disappointed in you.

    that's what the stripper says in the office when michael asks her if he should tell his girlfriend that he let her dance up on him.

    as for your question, what's involved in this night? is it just spending a night w/ an exciting stranger or is it spending the night w/ an exciting stranger - meaning sex ?

    if it's just spending A night, no i wouldn't tell and i wouldn't expect my significant other to tell me either. if it's spending THE night, then i would want to know. if the roles were reversed and i had no intention of ever leaving my man i would not tell him.

    j "my lips are sealed" h

  7. Thank you! That was killing me! I knew I'd heard it somewhere else...

  8. I too, am greatly disappointed that you didn't correctly attribute your OWN Office quote.

    As to the question at hand, I think this particular scenario indicates a particular lack of trustworthiness about the cheating spouse. I mean, you're not even saying that this "stranger" is some sort of celebrity that makes "the list," or that in some sort of soap opera scenario, the cheater believed their spouse to be dead. This is just a cut and dry: I met someone, and I cheated. I have no self control, and I don't keep my promises.

    Yeah, we need to know about it. We need to be tested, and we have a LOT of rebuilding to do. Forgiveness is one thing, but in this scenario, it would be really hard to ever trust their word again.

    And on the other side, even if I DID meet Gerard Butler in Vegas, AND believed that Leo was dead, I would tell him when I realized he was in fact alive (I mean, maybe not first thing, but I'd DEFINITELY tell him). He'd know just looking at me anyway.