Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Exclusive Club

It should be said that my adopted family is taking a trip to Orlando, Florida next week. They're going to spend a week and a half in Walt Disney World. They're taking Jen and Coach Gordon. They are not taking me.

I am not bitter, nor am I heartbroken. You know what? I don't even like Disney World anyway. "Happiest place on Earth?" More like crappiest place on Earth. Yeah. Mickey Mouse is stupid. And he talks like a girl. Donald Duck never wears any pants, but when he gets out of the shower he wraps a towel around his waist. What's that all about?

What the heck is up with taking Jen anyway? I get taking Gordon. He's from Scotland. They don't have a Disney park there. The closest one is in France and I'm pretty sure Disney can't even pay people to go to that park. Jen lives in LA. She's right next door to Disneyland. She could have brunch with Disney princesses any time she wants. I never realized they rebuilt the Mickey Mouse Club and included a new rule. No Aaron allowed.

I guess I shouldn't complain. Disney World is so lame awesome. Last time I went, I was there with my college choir while we were on tour in Florida. We got stuck on It's a Small World in South America for half an hour. A friend threw up on my shoes after riding the Tea Cups. Pirates of the Caribbean broke down and the pirates started attacking all the tourists. Luckily the animatronics shorted out whenever we knocked them into the water. But it was touch and go for awhile. They were just looting and pillaging all over the place. And lets not even talk about what happened to Cassie in the Haunted Mansion. I still have nightmares to this day.

So go on. Take your trip to Disney World. I'll stay here and take care of your pets. Me and Bailey and Maggie and Onya and Queen Battle, we're gonna have a grand old time. And I'll drive Nicole's car all over town. We'll see who has more fun. Oh yes, we will see.

Really I'm just trying to talk myself out of being disappointed that I can't go. I tell myself that it's not because they don't want me there. It's because there's just not enough room. Plus I've got my education to consider (PSSSH). And then there's also the importance of my job to think of (double PSSSH). I'm just deluding myself. Disney World is awesome. And lame. So very lame.


  1. Ouch! sounds like someone is a little 'jealous'..? You should not harbor any ill feelings you have towards the "Magic Kingdom". They make dreams come true for millions of children, and adults alike. Besides, it sounds like your 'adopted family' can really use someone as dependable as you to watch over their 'Magic Kingdom' while they spend some quality time in Disney...

  2. No Amy. I'm pretty sure I made it clear in my post that I wasn't jealous at all. In order for that emotion to emerge, I would have to first want to go to Disney World. Why would I want to go to such a lame and awesome place? I don't need to make the pilgrimage to visit a six foot mouse in order to feel some sense of joy. I've got Lucy.

  3. Were you abused as a child? Who doesn't love Mickey Mouse, or Donald Duck, or Goofy the.....what exactly is Goofy? Anyways, sing along and you'll feel better. "M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E."

  4. Prepare to reap the whirlwind.

  5. Oh Mickey isn't 6 feet tall. He's pushing 5'5" at most. I have pictures with him and I tower over him...ears included.

  6. hhmm .. aaron, what would look more awesome during my fabulous disney world vacation?

    my black t-shirt that says "i can't believe i'm at disney world" or my white t-shirt that says "i can't believe i'm at disney world"

    tough choice.

    j "i'm going to disney!" h

  7. Go with the black one. It matches your soul!