Friday, December 10, 2004

Self-Titled Debut

At some point, during the mid-90s, there was a short-lived sitcom starring Jonathan Silverman called "The Single Guy." This was one of those sitcoms that cloned the same basic formula that made Seinfeld and Friends such runaway hits. In this particular comedy you had Jonathan Silverman playing a single guy. Pretty original, huh? The deal was that all his friends had gotten married, leaving him to be the lone single person in their circle. Now, I'm not saying that all my friends have gotten married, but I feel that this single guy mentality is one that suits me just fine.

I am single. I have been all 25 years of my life. Unless you count that time in preschool when I proposed to a girl named Angie. It never would've worked out. We both had way too much growing to do. I mean, we were only 4. Anyway, here's how it works for me: I'm friends with a girl for a long time, several years, give or take. Then, for some reason, I decide that I have feelings for this girl, or whatever girl it happens to be at the time. And then I finally work up the nerve to ask her out, but at this point it's far too late for anything to happen. This is because we have entered the friends zone. This is the point of no return. Do I regret being friends with these women? Absolutely not. Have we been able to move past that awkwardness that inevitbly occurs when one person feels something stronger than the other? In most cases, yes. Actually, I can't think of anyone that I haven't been able to maintain a healthy friendship with after revealing those pesky feelings.

So what good comes from this MO that I have developed in seeking a relationship with the opposite sex? I've become comfortable with the idea of rejection. I'm pretty much used to the word "no." And the phrase, "We're just friends," gets easier to hear every time. There's a song by a man named Andy Gullahorn that's titled "She Just Wants" which is pretty much the theme song of my dating life, or lack thereof. The repetitive line in the chorus says, "She just wants to be my friend." She just wants to be my friend.

And what do I do to change this pattern in my life? Nothing. I do nothing about it. Because I'm just not the kind of person who can walk up to a woman I'm attracted to and ask her out. I tried once. I was at Logan's Roadhouse and asked a waitress out. Yeah, she quickly let me know she had a boyfriend and she looked just as uncomfortable as I felt. Therefore I've had to rely on the "friends first" theory of dating. But as you can see from previous paragraphs that it just doesn't work in my case.

So, am I doomed to wander the planet alone and aimlessly looking for love in all the wrong places? I don't think so. I'm just going to have to find a new way of doing things. Starting with a blind date. Yeah, that's right, I said it. A co-worker is pulling strings, trying to connect me with a friend of hers. What have I got to lose? I mean, it's a date with someone I don't know at all. I'm investing no emotion into asking someone out, therefore there's no chance of being hurt or creating weirdness if it doesn't work out. We meet for coffee at some obscure little out-of-the-way Starbuck's and if we connect, then we've had a nice cup of coffee and make plans to have dinner sometime. If there's nothing there, then I'm only out a cup of coffee and in 15 minutes I can make one of those sitcom excuses to get out of there. "Oh yeah... I have this thing that I have to get to. Sorry, but it's been nice... I'll call you." No, I can't just say, "I'll call you." Again, I'm not that guy. If I say I'll call, I'd have to call. And then I'd just get sucked into something I don't want to be in. Yeah, I have no idea what I'm doing. Stay tuned for further updates. Not only in the dating game but other trivial aspects of life.

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