Thursday, July 24, 2014

Welcome Guests: Jeff Noble

Welcome back to the Carp Dime Guest Writer series. Today's blogger is someone I've only known for about a year and a half. But he's also someone who's made a pretty substantial impact on my life since I started attending Northstar Church. In fact, he's the guy that has graciously allowed me to steal his idea of having guest bloggers take over here. Jeff Noble is the pastor at Northstar. He is married to Carolyn (met in college), Dad to Sam (17) and Adelyn (14). He's the author of Super Center Savior (It's good, I've read it. You should check it out). He earned his M. Div. from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and a B.A. from Ouachita Baptist University. His favorite movie is Fletch and his favorite book is Desiring God by John Piper. He's a regular blogger over at Notes from the Trail. Stop by and say hey!

Living the Fantasy

I'm honored to be a guest blogger here at Carp Dime. The assignment was to write about "one experience you've had that helped shape the person you are today." There are so many angles I could go on this, but I think I'll choose the most profound, fulfilling and friendship-begetting activity known to man: fantasy football.

Aaron probably had no idea who he was asking to write on his blog, but in the fantasy football world, I'm kinda a big deal. You see, I've been playing fantasy football since 1992. That's right, you whipper snappers! That's 22 years of experience. Those of you who think you're a baller just because you drafted Robert Griffin III? Consider this. I drafted Brett Favre as a rookie in 1993. Boom.

So here's how I got involved. I had just gotten married in May 1992 and started as a youth intern at First Baptist Church of Garland, Texas. I had been a seminary student for a year already in a four year program in Fort Worth. The youth minister was a friend and now my boss--Kevin Wieser--and he invited me to fill a vacancy in his league mid-season. So the 1993 season was the first time I participated in a draft.

Here's my roster for those of you who are NFL fans:

  • Chris Miller, Falcons
  • Brett Favre, Packers
  • Jim McMahon, Eagles
  • Christian Okoye, Chiefs
  • Ronnie Harmon, Chargers
  • Kevin Mack, Browns
  • Heath Sherman, Eagles
  • Darrell Thompson, Packers
  • Jerome Bettis
  • Natrone Means
  • Marvin Jones
  • Keith Jackson, Dolphins
  • Webster Slaughter, Oilers
  • Mark Duper, Dolphins
  • Mark Jackson, Giants
  • Don Beebe, Bills
  • Sterling Sharpe, Packers
  • Tommy Kane, Seahawks
  • Lin Elliot, Cowboys
  • Steelers
  • Bills
  • Packers
At any rate, those were the glory days of fantasy football. There weren't magazines about it, nor were there TV shows. When I told people I played fantasy football, I quickly had to explain that it wasn't raunchy or porn-related. Apparently the word "fantasy" conjured up all kinds of sordid thoughts among my Baptist friends.

Our "commissioner" was in California. He ran what we figured out was a pretty profitable enterprise. We'd send him $30, and he'd send us--in the mail--our weekly results and reports. We had to drop our starting lineups in the mail on a Tuesday in order for them to arrive in time. As a rookie coach, I remember the snickers on our live draft conference call when I drafted Marvin Jones (the top draft pick that year... unfortunately, he was a defensive player). The commissioner--probably as a joke--still put him on my roster, and I had to endure snide comments for several drafts after that.

When we finally moved to the internet for fantasy football, I was able to talk Carolyn into being our league's commissioner one year. We named the league Fantasy Queen Sports, which really gave my Baptist friends an eyebrow-raising.

Monday morning almost always found me with a copy of the sports page of the Dallas Morning News, poring over the boxscores, and adding up my team and my opponent's team scores. I'd repeat the process for a close game on Tuesday morning, to get the Monday Night Football game boxscore. Occasionally, I'd celebrate for a couple of days prematurely, only to find out when the official reports came in that I'd miscalculated and actually lost.

Those were the days before internet, and I remember spending a lot of time during the season, actually on the phone with other owners, trying to manipulate, cajole, and coerce them into making trades in a way that would benefit my upstart team.

Kevin and I were pretty competitive. We both kept notebooks of our teams, stats, and research. In a particularly weak moment one hot fall in Dallas, I remember he caught me with my hand in the trunk. I knew he kept his notebook in the trunk of his car, and when he ran in to the church to grab something, I popped the hood, jumped out of the car, and was in process of stealing trade secrets when he reappeared sooner than I accounted for. I fumbled around for an excuse, but no hail mary materialized to save my honor.

What has fantasy football done for me over the years? It's kept a group of long-time friends together in leagues who now live across the country. It's provided hours of enjoyment, taunting, and Sunday afternoon TV intrigue. It's made me knowledgeable of players across the league. It's also given me fodder for conversations with an increasing amount of guys over the years that I would have nothing in common with otherwise.

These days, it seems everyone is in a fantasy football league. Even gals have fallen in love with it, although 22 years ago, they were calling us sports nerds. One of the greatest joys has been the last several years when my son got in a league with me and fell in love with it. He actually won our league last year.

I was surprised to discover a hobby that I enjoy so much out of the blue. I've won several Super Bowls over the years (three in a row during one remarkable stretch). There have also been some not-so-proud moments.

I'll confess there have been some lazy mental moments in church on a Sunday where my mind has drifted to wondering whether I should change my lineup (and a few occasions where I actually did via my iPhone). To a group of college guys, I've even shamelessly compared my careful study of players in preparation for a fantasy draft to the preparation of Jesus in selecting his disciples, in a weak attempt to be relevant. Then there was the time Kevin figured out my login password (after we went high tech) and changed the score of my Super Bowl game, giving me a loss. I was devastated and moped around the house for 30 minutes until I realized that the scores had been tampered with.

This probably wasn't the post most would expect. I'd be happy to give it another shot, and I have blogged about my story here. However, fantasy football has been a part of my life for a long time, and it's definitely helped shape who I am today. By the way, it's about that time for fall prep!

Links to the guest writers' posts...
1. Brandon Caldwell 
2. Vanessa
3. Landon Metts
4. Jeff Noble

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Welcome Guests: Landon Metts

Welcome to the Carp Dime Guest Blogger series. Today's post comes from my friend and cousin. Growing up, this guy was the closest thing I had to a brother. We played like brothers. We fought like brothers. Childhood and adolescence wouldn't have been the same without cutting up with him at our grandparents' dinner table. Landon Metts is a Christian Writer residing in Raleigh, North Carolina. His first non-fiction book Pursuing Wisdom: Unmasking Theology presents an analysis of the difference between secular and Christian motivations for behavior. It is a resource for Christians to examine motivations and ensure genuine and unmasked foundation in the gospel of Jesus Christ. His second book The Vapors: A Short Story Thriller & Selected Poetry features an exciting allegorical portrayal of a man in a desperate situation with few options for survival. The poetry is a collection of introspective thoughts on life and relatable encouragement. Landon has recently completed a full length Adult Christian Supernatural Thriller and is currently making presentations for representation. His passion is to see the revitalization of genuine, vulnerable, and in touch Christian behavior.

An Unlikely Performance

The song ended and I felt the exhilaration mixed with anticipation devour any remnant of sanity I had previously mustered. Was I really doing this? What would possess a man to even consider such a thing? I dared not break my statuesque pose as I strived to remain in character. I was amongst the professionals, people trained for this sort of thing. They knew I was a novice. They knew I was an outsider.

Once the applause ended, the onstage cast released from their positions and resumed the busybody nature assigned to them. It was time. There would be no going back now. I wondered where she was watching from as my right foot led forward by sheer habit at the silent prompt. I moved past the cover of curtain and the stage lights hit me. I was exposed to the eyes of the audience. In a feverish half a second, I became petrified. I don't know my lines! I thought. Then my mouth opened and the character came forth quite undeterred by my petulant fretting. It was quite an odd moment. I felt myself split into two people: the engaged actor and the frantic spectator. Previous practices and dress rehearsals had taken my full consciousness and there was no room for any split-mindedness. And yet here I was performing in front of all of these people, a Business Major who realistically had no place in such a role.

I thought back to the tryouts. It was a shot in the dark. I had only hoped to get a side role to get closer to her. She was so out of my league. My name had been called and I headed to the middle of the stage and there she was, right in front of me with a clipboard in hand. Her name was Daphne and she had undertaken with a friend to direct what would be the highest grossing play in our college's history. She was gorgeous. Without her hopeful and encouraging expression, I don't think I would have been able to do it. I remember finishing my rehearsed song, thinking that there was no way I could have made the cut. Days later, I had to check the list twice when I read that I had been cast as a lead. And here I was, two months later, daring to become the character on opening night.

I had no idea if Daphne would ever share the feelings I had for her. With each line, song, and dance I hoped that despite my inexperience, she might give me the time of day. But this night was what it all came down to. All of her hard work, the endless hours amidst classes, and the strain of trying to negotiate with different academic departments to pull it all together was enough to keep her busy. Too busy to notice me. It was then that a thought occurred to me that momentarily interrupted the flow of my performance. Whether she noticed me or not, here I was, standing in front of hundreds of people doing something that I had never had the opportunity to do before. All because of her. And my heart changed. For, no longer was my heart held hostage on what might be but rather I was released by the realization that she had given me something, given all of us something, that we would never forget. It didn't matter who we were or where we came from. It didn't matter if we were seasoned drama veterans or stammering novices, either way we were the show. And in that amazing moment all of the fear, all of the anticipation, drained from me. I was the character but beyond that, I was hers.

Now, twelve years later, as I watch our two children vivaciously play in their imaginative world I can't help but feel that it was in that opening night that I truly fell in love with my wife, Daphne. It was that day that I learned about the true character of love. It is something we do not negotiate with but rather something that we give ourselves over to in the greatest form of submission.

Links to the guest writers' posts...
1. Brandon Caldwell 
2. Vanessa
3. Landon Metts
4. Jeff Noble

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Welcome Guests: Vanessa

Welcome to the Carp Dime Guest Blogger series. Today's blogger is someone who I've recently become friends with through various ministries at Northstar Church. And in proof of how small our world is, I actually went to high school with her husband. Vanessa is a stay-at-home/foster mom who earned her Bachelor of Arts from Virginia Tech in Interdisciplinary Studies (with minors in K-8 English, K-8 Math, and Psychology). Her favorite movie is Ever After and her favorite book is The Shoemaker's Dream by Mildred Schell & Masahiro Kasuya. Her favorite passage of scripture comes from Isaiah 40:11, which says, "He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs to his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young." You can find her regular posts over at Butterfly Reflections. Stop by and say hi. It should be noted that Vanessa is the only fellow blogger who attempted to participate in the 30 Day Blog Challenge I recently did, and for that, I am grateful. And so, without further ado...

Finding Hope

Hello, faithful readers of Carp Dime. I'm today's guest blogger though I'm still quite shocked I was asked. After today's read, you will more fully appreciate the great writing Aaron provides, but I thank him all the same for this opportunity. I've been asked to share with you an experience that has shaped who I am today, so I'll tell you about the day that my son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.

My son, E, is 9 years old and was diagnosed almost 2 years ago. A teacher, and college friend, was the one to mention that perhaps we might consider testing him for Asperger's Syndrome. I believe my husband said those words felt a bit like a punch in the gut while images of Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man came to his mind. I, on the other hand, felt something akin to hope...

Several months passed as we traversed the proper channels to get him tested. That September day finally arrived and we took him in for observation with specialists. During that time, my husband and I spent a couple hours confirming, quantifying, and more clearly defining the endless questionnaire answers we had submitted weeks before. By the afternoon's end, we were told E quite definitely fit the qualifications of Asperger's (which is on the high-functioning end of the Autism Spectrum Disorder). I thought I would feel defeated or hopeless, but I didn't.

Instead, I encountered relief. The years of difficulty in communicating with and disciplining my child had a reason beyond those of my failings as a mother. Until that day, I felt entirely responsible for all the problems we had experienced. Since that day, I have seen purpose.

I felt encouraged. The unknown is difficult to work with, but a diagnosis gave me a starting point from which to obtain solutions. A peace washed over me knowing that we could now work at finding solutions to help E, and I developed greater patience.

I was hopeful. My husband and I had intended to foster children but until that day we were unsure that could be a possibility. Learning about the lesser emotional attachment our son has gave us hope that we could receive children into our home, care for and love them, then reunite them to their families--all without too grately affecting the emotionality of E. The hubs and I will be a wreck, but there is a peace and hopefulness in knowing that our son will get through it better than us.

I felt reassurance. God always had His hand in every aspect of our lives, but that day I felt reassured that He knows what He is doing and He was simply preparing us for things to come that we could never have imagined. He was growing my trust in Him without me knowing it, and that is a formidable emotion for me. He revealed to me my lack of trust and faith in Him.

Lastly, our marriage was strengthened. The diagnosis pulled back the wedge that had been pushing my husband and me apart. As a couple, we are far from perfect (I mean, we're totes amazing, but not 100% perfect), but having the frustration removed of not knowing why we were failing so miserably at that parenting thing enabled us to finally grow closer.

So there you have it--an experience that has shaped who I am today. I hope it provided encouragement for you, or at the very least didn't bore you to tears. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to contact me. Have a fabulous day and thanks for reading!

Links to the guest writers' posts...
1. Brandon Caldwell 
2. Vanessa
3. Landon Metts
4. Jeff Noble

Monday, July 21, 2014

Welcome Guests: Brandon Caldwell

Welcome to the Carp Dime Guest Writer series. Our first guest is a guy I've been friends with for a lot of years. Brandon Caldwell is a Community Banking Officer with Highlands Community Bank and has been for about the last year. Before that, he worked for SunTrust bank for 10 years. He spent two years at Bluefield College earning a Bachelor in Business Administration and Information Technologies. He received his Associates Degree from Dabney S. Lancaster Community College. His favorite books are the Game of Thrones series by George R R Martin. His favorite movies are Varsity Blues, Office Space, Napoleon Dynamite, Anchorman... "just something for me to kill a couple hours and learn some funny lines to apply to daily life."

The Summer of '96

When Aaron asked me to be a part of his guest blogging experience, I felt honored. I love reading his blog. Sometimes I think it's just because I like to read stories about myself (I'm Subway for all of you readers out there). Then he told me what I was going to write about. The blog is supposed to be about the one thing that has shaped me into who I am today.

So my mind starts to wander, what would ONE single thing be? It could be my marriage to my wife, Kara. It could be about the birth of my daughter, which has been a life changing experience but then that would mean that my life took shape at thirty and I think I knew who I was before that. I searched a little more, dug deeper and settled on the "Summer of '96."

I know what you're thinking, you read that line and thought that I got my first real six string didn't you? (See what I did there?)

My summer of 1996. I was a sophomore going to junior in high school, fifteen going on sixteen. The reserved kid who lived under a fist of iron from my father and an understanding ear from my mother. I had a girlfriend, my first serious one. I played baseball, football, and basketball with the kids up the street. Barnyard style mind you, nothing organized. I was beginning to develop my own thoughts and ideas but was not completely sure how to express them, and really not sure if I SHOULD express them. I had been going to church on my own for a few years now, walking down the street Sunday mornings, going to the services, getting some of it but... not ALL of it. I was a relatively new Christian. I was baptized just the winter before in December so I was just beginning to grow that relationship with Christ.

So you would think after reading this yeah, normal stuff right? Well yes... until...

You see, looking back on it, I was at a point where I was going to get a grip on things or just spend the rest of my life walking up the street to a buddy's house and not really doing much with my life. What I didn't know is that there was a bigger plan for me and I wouldn't have the chance to take my time and get a grip on things on my own.

Very rapidly, I had things happen to me that don't usually happen to a 15 or 16 year old kid. My great uncle passed away while I was with him at the Greenbrier... Ok that one hurt some... eerie too. Not like you expect to be stranded in West Virginia for hours by yourself when something like that happens. My childhood best friend passed at 13. That one hurt... a lot... That one I didn't see coming. No one did. It shook up all of Rose Street. My girlfriend dumped me... I probably deserved that one... My grandfather passed away. He struggled with diabetes for most of his life and I think it caught up with him after many years.

By this point... I was numb. I didn't care about death (never did in the first place, but sure as hell not now). I knew I didn't like it. I knew I didn't want to be a part of it. And i knew that I wanted to put myself in situations that didn't even deal with it.

Something else was happening too in that summer of 1996. And this is where I believe the other part of my shaping came from. You see, the church I was growing up in had a "new" youth minister. He was there once before as an intern but they asked him to come back full time. I was asked over and over and over to come to youth on Wednesdays and Sundays. I was asked to come to Bible studies and to join for dinner or for ice cream... I never did. Not a lot anyway. I always felt it was better for me to go up the street and play basketball. Or baseball. Or football... I wasn't ready to let go and get a grip on things, but the events that happened in the summer of 1996 changed who I was forever. I began going to youth more. I became a leader among my peers in different aspects. I left behind the games on the block. I got serious about my relationship with Christ, I got serious about focusing on getting to the next level (which was college at that point). And I started to develop into the guy who had a sense of humor. The guy who you could turn to for a laugh or a smile or a good joke. I can only hope that I can stay that way for my family and friends around me today.

Thanks for reading, and thanks to Aaron for putting this challenge on me. It's good to reflect a little and know that the needle moves in the right direction even when it seems like it's not moving at all.

Links to the guest writers' posts...
1. Brandon Caldwell
2. Vanessa
3. Landon Metts
4. Jeff Noble

Welcome Guests

Hopefully you're all sticking around after that crazy 30 day thing. Because this afternoon I'll be posting the first of many blogs written by guest writers.

Some time ago, my pastor challenged me to write something for his blog. I liked the idea so much, I decided to steal it. Though, I guess it's not stealing if I asked permission to use the same idea. Anyway, he provided a prompt and I wrote. I gave my guest bloggers the same prompt: What is one experience you've had that helped shape the person you are today.

Jeff even offered to let me use the same graphic that he had on his guest blogger series. But I thought that would make my theft and lack of creativity a bit too obvious. So I stole a picture from Pinterest instead...
Links to the guest writers' posts...
1. Brandon Caldwell 
2. Vanessa
3. Landon Metts
4. Jeff Noble

Sunday, July 20, 2014

30th - Excitement

Day Thirty... One thing I'm excited for...

As is the case with most other human emotions, excitement isn't something I often feel. Generally, when I do feel excited, it's more of a subdued kind of thing. Excited on me looks more like anyone else's mild amusement.

But I have more than one thing to be excited for at the moment. So, forgive me for bending the rules on this 30th and final challenging blog post.

I'm excited that my summer program is finally over. This means that I have just under a month to sit back and relax. I've got books I can read. I've got friends I can visit. I've got sleep I can catch up on. The next 23 days are going to be glorious.

I'm excited that, during that 23 days, I'll be driving down to Raleigh to visit the Most Awesome Person I Know and her family. I miss those faces.

I'm excited that I also have a part-time gig to keep me occupied during the next few weeks. As the Children's Ministry Assistant at Northstar Church, I get to help out with all kinds of exciting activities that are coming up. If you're looking for something to do with your kids, check out our website to see what's happening soon. If you're looking for a way to get involved and help out with some of those activities, get in touch with me. I cannot describe how much fun I've had working with these kids.

I'm excited that, beginning tomorrow, I'll be posting things written by guest bloggers. So, for a while, I won't have to write anything. And you guys won't have to read my random ramblings. Win/win.

I'm excited that this is the final installment of the 30 Day Blog Challenge. It isn't that I haven't enjoyed posting something every day. Once upon a time, I took pride in the fact that I didn't let a day pass without posting something to Carp Dime. But it's harder than it used to be. Even with the daily prompts, it's kind of hard to come up with something that could be construed as slightly entertaining.

Well, those are my excitements. Granted, I'm not jumping up and down, screaming at the top of my lungs excited. That rarely (if ever) happens. It might happen when the Batman vs. Superman movie comes out, but that's because I'm a big geek.

Come back tomorrow for the first guest post. It's a good one, I've already read ahead.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

29th - Weird Things

Day Twenty-Nine... Five weird things that I like...

I don't know how to do this. If it's something I like, why would I think it's weird? Can I do things that other people like that I think is weird? I could probably come up with a hundred of those. But let's not mock my friends today. That's a post for another day. Let's get introspective. Or something...

  1. I like putting mayonnaise on hot dogs. People who notice that I've used that particular condiment on a hot dog will, at best, question the choice. At worst, they question my sanity. But don't worry, I often question my sanity as well. But not when it comes to mayo on the hot dog. That's just delicious.
  2. I like eating unfrosted Pop-Tarts. And I like to eat them raw. When I say raw, I really just mean untoasted. I never thought this was a strange thing until recently. In one of my previous workplaces, I was mildly persecuted for my choice of the frosting free Pop-Tart. But I ask, if it's that weird, why do they sell them in the stores? If they weren't selling, they wouldn't be on the shelves!
  3. I still like reading comic books. And if I had limitless funds, I would still be buying my favorite titles every month. I probably wouldn't save them anymore, like I once did (a blog post for another time), but I'd definitely get them and read them for the entertainment value. I'm not sure this is actually considered weird anymore. I mean, yes, I'm 34 years old and would still read comics if I had the chance. But there seems to have been a movement in recent years embracing geek culture. People are encouraged to release their inner nerd. Geeks are simply people who are passionate about the things they like. Maybe that's not weird anymore.
  4. I like being in small spaces. What's the opposite of being claustrophobic? I complained about having a small bedroom growing up. But it's mostly hyperbole. I'm in a small bedroom now, not much larger than the walk-in closet I lived in as a kid. I don't need a lot of space. I don't want a lot of space. I'm not saying that I crawl under the kitchen sink whenever I get upset, I'm not that weird. I'm just saying that I would be completely comfortable living in a small studio apartment on a long-term basis. Square footage means nothing to me.
  5. I like yelling at the moon when it can be seen during the day. It's not right for the moon to be seen against a blue sky! It belongs in the night! That's not my rule. It's God's. "And God made the two great lights--the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night--and the stars." - Genesis 1:16
Those are my weird things. I mean, the first four I don't actually think are that weird. To me, they're normal. Number five, though... that's a little out there. I mean, really, who yells at the moon?

Friday, July 18, 2014

28th - Get Outta Town

Day Twenty-Eight... Somewhere I would like to move or visit...

So many places. I kind of feel like I could live anywhere. I'm single with plenty of flexibility in my career that I could pretty much pick up and go wherever I'd like to go. And I'm tempted to do so every few years or so. I always manage to stay fairly close to home, but there's a small part of me that would really like to move far, far away. Like Seattle. Or Portland. Or Austin. Or Topeka.

As for places I'd like to visit... Well, I'd like to visit a place before I move there. So if I were to plan a move to Seattle or Portland or Austin or Topeka, I'd want to take a tour around town first. But there are tons of places I'd love to visit. But traveling costs money. I'd like to say this is gonna be a "someday" kind of thing, but really, some day may never actually arrive. So here are my someday/never places I'd love to visit...
  • Australia
  • Paris
  • Rome
  • Greece
  • London
  • Hawaii
  • Chicago
  • New York, again
  • Los Angeles, again
  • Boston, again
  • Brazil, again
I'm certain that's not all. I'd be willing to bet that the list is more like a living document that will change and expand as time goes on and I continue to not actually visit these places. But, maybe someday...

Thursday, July 17, 2014

27th - Words to Live By

Day Twenty-Seven... almost there... A quote I try to live by.

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."

This is a quote attributed to Winston Churchill, who is a very quotable individual. Now, I can't prove that he said this. I never heard the words come from his mouth. I've never read anything he's written or seen videos of speeches he's given. I just assume that the many sources I've seen over the years are correct.

This quote is actually part of the signature on my emails. I just like the meaning behind it, encouraging us to give of ourselves in order to make life better. I kind of feel like I'm lucky in that, the thing I do for a living gives me plenty of opportunities to give of myself to make someone else's life a little better.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

26th - Likes/Dislikes

Twenty-Six... What I like and dislike about myself... I'm gonna limit myself to three of each. I feel like if I come up with too many likes, you'll believe me to be way too self-involved. If I come up with too many dislikes, you'll think I'm way too self-deprecating.

  • My singing voice... I've been told by a number of people throughout my life that I have a good voice. I don't think I'm anything great. I've certainly known people who are far better than I am. But I also think there are some professionals out there that I could beat at SingStar. In fact, I'm issuing a challenge to a certain Britney Spears. I daresay I could out sing her on Baby One More Time, her own hit song. Gauntlet's been thrown down!
  • My sense of humor... I think I'm pretty funny. I crack myself up all the time. I mean, it's mostly sarcasm, which can turn a lot of people off. But I think those people are just jealous that they're not as witty as I am.
  • My incredible memory... I wouldn't claim to have an eidetic memory. But in a lot of things, I might be pretty close. It's crazy some of the things I can remember. There are a lot of things that I pretend to have forgotten just so I don't look like a know-it-all all the time. I shouldn't do that, though. I think I should probably embrace my cesspool of useless knowledge.
  • My apparent lack of humility... See the above, where I'm willing to brag on a few of the things that make me awesome. And yes, those are just a few.
  • The sweat glands under my eyes... That's the first place where I sweat when I start to overheat. For years, I didn't like this about myself simply because it made me look like I was crying. Now that I wear glasses, they get fogged up all too easily. It's really annoying.
  • The road rage... It's really ridiculous. Embarrassingly so.